Waiting Place

Have you read the book “Oh! The places you’ll go” by Dr. Seuss? There’s an excerpt where he referred to as “the waiting place”

Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come,
or a plane to go or the mail to come,
or the rain to go or the phone to ring,
or the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or No
or waiting for their hair to grow.

Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night

or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.

Everyone is just waiting

How do you guys interpret this? Is this an emotional state where we are all feel lost and do not know what to do and therefore “waiting for something to happen?” Everyone is always waiting for something.

My daughter is waiting for her 4th birthday party – My friend is waiting to see how her father-in-law is doing with COVID in the hospital – My co-worker is waiting for her quarantine period to be over so she can walk out of her house again – My brother is waiting for his dream job – My sister-in-law is waiting to see if she is pregnant – Waiting for a meeting to start — waiting for the meeting to end – I’m waiting for an email from a company to see if they want me on their team.

Should we stop waiting and seize the moment/opportunity?

How do you interpret this and what are you waiting for … or are you waiting?

“You are always one decision away from a totally different life”

I read that quote and let it sink in. I thought about it and my mind has been blown. I guess this is the “what if” game, huh?

How my life would have been if I married my ex? Didn’t choose this state? Didn’t accept this job offer? Didn’t take this or that opportunity? etc… you get the point.

And here I am again at a decision point in my life that will take me on another path. Should I stay with my current job or take a new job?

I will not bore you with my pros and cons list but bottom line is the current job is stable but I have to work with a psychological manipulator that frustrates me to no end and the new job is a big black box (Will I like the people? Will I like what I will be doing? Will I be good at what I am going to be doing? Will I ever get laid off?)

What decision(s) have you made where you know was the best decision or the worst decision? I guess what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger so whatever bad decisions that was made was a lesson learned and only helped me grow stronger.

Husband vs Parents

Mr. BMP (Bounce-my-pecs aka-my husband) https://awkwardasianfemale.wordpress.com/2021/12/27/chapter-1-through-my-lens-through-his-lens/

My parents is living with my family (BMP, 3 children, and I). They were here when I gave birth and they were an extra hand. Do not get me wrong, I love having my parents around. They cook and clean!!!! But on the other end of the see-saw, they are my parents so there’s “uncomfortable-ness” (I’ll get into that more later). Also, as an Asian daughter, (self imposed) I feel like I have the responsibility to take care of my parents (https://awkwardasianfemale.wordpress.com/2021/12/28/my-parents-are-getting-older/). As noted in the previous post, they are getting older and they sacrificed for me, so it’s my time to take care of them.

BMP said he is uncomfortable with them all the time and it’s making him a upset because he feels as though the house is not his anymore. Even a simple as walking around the house, taking a phone call, playing with kids, etc – there’s always company around. Also, my parents and I speak Cantonese to each other because my parent’s English is not good and also, its easier for them to speak Cantonese. BMP doesn’t know Cantonese so he feels even more left out.

I think this is the biggest issue with BMP and I. I do not want him to be unhappy but leaving my parents is not even on the table of discussion. My parents will go visit my sister and brother so they split their year with them also; however, with the pandemic, it is not possible.

Do you live with your in-laws/parents?

Any tips/advice on how to overcome this issue?

Is Life Work?

I was talking to Mr. BMP (see first post for reference) and we usually meet once a week to do things around the house since you cannot clean/renovate/think on the weekends with three little ones running around. So, we agreed on once a week during lunch time, we will get together and do these things.

I understand we both have commitment to our “real” jobs/career so it might be common to not start on time or might need to cancel. However, Mr. BMP would put us as “lesser” priority, per se, and take care of his own business and if he shows up an hour late, he shows up an hour late. His thought is that “as long as we get it done, does it matter when we do it?” And my response was “NO! You do not show up 1 hour late to a meeting with your boss. You have to give your boss a heads up. I have other commitments also. If you just show up an hour late at work, you will probably be talked to.”

This got me thinking. Is Life Work? Is my relationship with Mr. BMP, family, and friends work? We need to speak politely, be punctual, keep them front and center of life, manners, etc? When do we “relax”? When can we drop everything and take off our masks and be ourselves?

If I was to be rated in life – I wonder what my rating is. What is your rating?

How would your boss rate you?

How would your parents rate you?

How would your SO rate you?

How would your kids rate you?

How would your friends rate you?

How would your family (siblings, in laws, etc) rate you?

How would you rate your own self (self-care)?

If I have to rate myself I think this is my order (from doing well to not doing so hot): Work, kids, SO, friends, parents, family, self — reality hits…I need to reorganize my priorities.

A need to move with the world

Why is everything so complicated? The world is moving without me. I lost all connection with what the world is up to and I am not keeping up. I am really feeling old and outdated. This new generation is so innovative to make money.

For example: youtubers, Instagram, bloggers, podcast, etc

I have came across a lot of these ads/stories but I just do not get it. I just want to read good blogs and write blogs with feedbacks. Is this not a thing anymore? I get emails about making money for just blogging but I just do not understand it and should probably really educate myself.

How are youtubers making millions just posting videos of them playing with toys or eating or talking about random stuff? Is this the new way of making a living? Am I just not keeping up with the world?

I had a conversation with younger people in my company who only sees what they are doing a “job” and not a “career”. Not many will stay in a company for a long time. Is this why people are constantly looking for a new job? Why do we invest in them when they will just leave?

Looking forward to 2022

2021 is a mark that made me feel like its an end and a new beginning.

Done with babies

I know a lot of people really like the baby phase or pregnancy phase – I am not one of them. I hated everything about being pregnant – cant eat sushi, cant drink, looking fat, and the list goes on. I hated everything about babies – wake up in the middle of the night, diaper changing ALL THE TIME, crying, pumping, heating up breastmilk, bottle washing, and the list goes on.

But the feeling of “I’m done!” is so satisfying! I can throw away all the clothes, all the bottles, pack n play, etc! Because BMP (refer to my first post) and I are so old, we had our babies back to back. When one finally can walk and feed themselves, I was pregnant and had to start all over again. I feel like groundhog day with my three children.

2022 will be growing our babies and doing different activities (other than breastfeeding) and hopefully getting them to be more independent (hopeful thinking) and a little more self care for myself!

Any tips on what to do with toddlers? Vacations? Sports? Cooking? Activities?

Career

I am not complaining about my opportunities but I have two really great job opportunity lined up for me for the new year. I have yet to choose one and these two paths are very different. I am very excited and not sure what to do with these two paths. So, i’m looking forward for 2022 to see which path I will take and how things will be different for me career-wise!

Do you ever have a way to weigh out the pros and cons before choosing a career?

Self-improvement

Like I stated earlier, this is the year I should really concentrate on myself and have some self care.

What is your exercise regime?

What books are you reading?

What movies do you recommend? (I’m thinking of Lost City, Matrix 4, Love Hard)

Investments – do you guys have any tips on investments? I really need to educate myself on this..

My Parents are Getting Older

Well, Duh! I’m getting older so, of course, my parents are getting older. But just yesterday I just stopped thinking, running around, working, and just sat there and stared at my mom and dad. I couldn’t believe how much they have aged (they got shorter, more white hair, aging spots on their body, dentures, and even mentally – they are slower and cannot hear as well). I’ve always told myself “I hope I will be successful so that I can let my parents finally enjoy life and relax”

My parents have sacrificed their personal and social life for us. We were really poor growing up since they had to leave Vietnam (we are actually Chinese) and they had to start their life over here in the States. We lived in a very small room of a house. My dad had to work long hours (overtime) and my mom had to be a stay at home mom to take care of the three of us. They did not have time to have a social life nor did they have friends. Therefore, now that they are old, they do not have a circle of friends. Their life was/is us. They are done taking care of their kids and now they are helping with grandkids so that I can have a personal life and a career.

They spent all their money on us – giving us an education, extra circular activities so that we can excel, giving us toys, travel to see the world, etc.

As I have my challenges in life, I know I put my parents in the back burner and sometimes even get mad at them because communication isn’t there anymore. For example: when they did not hear what I said, they will automatically say “ok” but because they did not hear me well, they did not do it. When I find out they did not do what I asked of them, then I get really frustrated and will then go on a rant on why they didn’t execute what they promised. Reality is that they didn’t hear me nor did they understand what I was asking them to do. But in my head, I still see them as the strong mom and dad they once were and expected them to be an adult. However, that’s not the case. They are old and needs more attention than before.

Are you experiencing the same with your parents? How do you take care of your parents? How do you change your mindset from the strong, independent parents that took cared of you to elder parents that needs you to take care of them?

Through my lens, Through his lens

How did we get this way? We met and he could have done nothing wrong to make me mad. We only knew how to laugh and keep each other comfortable.

Married with three young kids killed it for us (at least for now) but I refuse to throw in the white flag and call quits. I refuse to believe that I have become dull and a screaming monster and that he has become annoying.

Allow me to set up our most recent situation for you and I am looking for all comments, suggestions, different perspective from anyone.

It was time to get out of the house. With three young ones (3, 2, 1 year olds) there’s a number of things you need to pack and do before getting out of the house that takes about an hour of your life – yes, I wrote that correctly – it takes at least an hour to get out of the house!

In the eyes of Mr. Bounce-my-pecs (BMP) (aka – my husband):

He is packing the diaper bag making sure there’s diaper and wipes. He is grabbing the milk bottles and putting it in the diaper bag and grabbed extras for just in case our baby needed more. He is packing cheerios and apple sauce as snacks. Pouring water in thermos for when the kids get thirsty (ok, sometimes they are not thirsty and will not even touch the water but you better have it because they will scream and cry if its not there). Then, he went out to make sure all the car seats are in the car properly.

In the eyes of me:

I’m trying to get my 3 and 2 year old to pee before we head out so we can avoid public restrooms. At the same time, I’m trying to change the baby’s diaper. I have to chase down my kids to get them to go use the restroom while the baby is crying because I left him with only a diaper on. As I finished up the baby, my middle child decides to kick over my older child’s lego and they started to scream and cry. I had to run over there screaming at them to stop fighting and try to talk to them to make them say sorry and make up. While my baby starts to get jealous and want me to hold him. Later, I found out that my older child forgot to put her underwear on and I had to go find her underwear while my middle child is still crying because she doesn’t want to apologize for kicking over the lego set. At this point, I am about to lose it with three kids crying and screaming. Let me try to make sure we are seeing the same picture. Oldest kid has no underwear, no socks, no shoes, and no jacket on at this point and she is crying because her lego set has been knocked down. Middle kid is crying and refuses to apologize – no socks, no shoes, and no jacket. Baby has no pants, crying, no socks, no shoes, and no jacket. We are not even close to getting ready and I’m about to lose my sh*t.

Now, let’s continue with the situation holistically. Mr. BMP walks in from taking care of the car seat and I’m screaming at him to get his a** over here to help. He is annoyed with me because I’m screaming at him when he was also working. I’m annoyed at him because I’m getting a little crazy trying to get it together with the kids.

So, now I have to wonder. Is this normal? How do people deal with this? Are we doing something wrong? I do not want to be like my parents where they lost the love but they are still together because of kids and “convenience”. Staying together is easier than getting a divorce with kids involved. Not saying I want a divorce but after so many of these battles, it just eats away the love and you start to lose the vision of why we are still together and life could be happier separate.

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