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Getting Lazy

When you start to get demotivated in life – you start to get lazy. How do you motivate yourself to reach goals/vision?

A big part of my issue is that I am working with a psychological manipulator so to “accommodate” her, I am not being proactive until my boss tells me to do so. This is not a great way to approach my work because I like to take things into my own hands and get things done but I really want to make peace than to make drama.

I’m so burnout as a mother that I just do not want to clean or think about kids things.

Remodeling our house is out of the question right now since materials are so expensive. We are hoping to wait a little longer when materials are back to normal so that we are not overspending on remodeling our house.

So, with these three major factors of my life, I feel like i’m stuck and burnout. How do I get myself out of this?

How do you guys motivate yourself? What are some examples of your goals and vision? What do you guys do to reset?

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How are people doing it?

I understand that sometimes you look at FB, IG, Snapchat, etc and you feel like the person is having the best time of their life or they are so lucky but in reality, are they? That is just a snap or quick video of them. We should not feel sorry for ourselves by comparing….

However, this post is not really about that.

When I go out, I am thankful that we have all the snacks, drinks, shoes, coats, diapers..the minimal essentials for my kids and I call my day “winning!” But when I look around, I see families with kids and they are all put together. Their girl’s hair is braided and their boy’s hair is styled. Their clothes are so pretty and it matches. The parents look like “normal” human and not zombies and dressed up. How do they do that? What am I doing wrong or what is the secret that I do not know?

I also hear my friends are remodeling their house and going on vacations with their little ones and they are out in the snow playing all day and skiing. Here’s me barely surviving with kids going to the groceries! How are people doing it? Why am I struggling so much?

So, is this the same as looking at someone’s social media and think that they are the happiest and luckiest person or is there really a secret that I do not know?

Like I said earlier in my post – can i have friends that has their shit together so that I can learn from them and their secrets?

Are you the person that have your shit together? If so, please share!

Are you like me and feel like you are treading water in life? If so, how you are overcoming this?

Divorce and Love

As I am getting older, I know more and more people getting a divorce. If we looked at the divorce rate a decade ago, the divorce rate isnt this high. What is causing divorces?

Here are some of my thoughts:

  1. Divorce is not really frowned upon – in fact, encouraged if things are not working out
  2. More working females. Females do not have a need to “rely” or “depend” on the men. They can support themselves.
  3. People are changing and dont want to compromise. Everyone has their own dream and vision.
  4. Getting married too “young”. Not age but mindset or where they are at life. We all change depending on situation (job, future vision, maturing self mindset, etc)
  5. Life changing event (taking care of family member, accidents, religion, etc)
  6. Temptation – cheating
  7. Dull – love is gone and they are bored in their relationship

As cliche as this may sound – is “love” not worth fighting for? Is Love Fleeting? Is Love not real?

Moment of truth – Divorce crossed my mind a million times. The “easy” way out is to do what I want to do and no have to care about anyone else. If want to travel, I should be able to travel. If I found my “dream” job, I should be able to take it without having to think about my husband’s job or family. I do not want to compromise anymore.

Is it a trade off? Being in love is to compromise and I am only allowed to do 1/2 (more or less) of the things I want to do in life? Is love worth it? Was it engrained in my head to find Mr. Prince Charming, get married, have a family, and that’s it?

Again, the grass is always greener on the other side. I have friends who are single and they complain about being alone.

What are your thoughts on Love and/or Divorce?

How do you seek out “friends”

When I was in high school – I made friends that are similar to me in “popularity” and “interest”. We were in the tennis club and nerdy. I think it was natural that we became friends because of the amount of time we spent practicing and playing tennis. I actually lost some of my middle school friends because we couldn’t hang out as much.

As I went to college – I realized I wanted to connect myself with Asians – to understand this part of me. Growing up in Ohio, I didn’t grow up with a lot of Asians. In fact, there were only 3 of us in my graduating high school class. So, I joined an Asian sorority. Honestly, this didn’t work out so well. There were a lot of drama and I spent too much time doing this for the sorority and not enough time focused on my major and making friends in my major. But I guess part of college is to look for yourself. Finally out of the house and can find your personality and become who you are.

After college, I got a job in Seattle, WA. I had friends at work but they were work friends. We never really hung out outside of work. I wonder if its because we see each other 8+ hours and that’s enough or you just have to work with them so you are naturally friends with them? Anyways, since I came from Ohio, Seattle was TOTALLY different. I wanted to do EVERYTHING. Outdoors, explore, etc. So, my friends there were very active. I only hang out with the ones that wanted to try new things and available.

As I got older – i just wanted friends to hang with. Grab a drink and chill and watch movies. Or go to parties and just have good meaningless conversations that will make me laugh until my stomach hurts. Someone doing something stupid so I can take a picture and remind them annually.

You guys get the point. I wanted friends that wanted the same thing as me at that time in my life. We all have criteria for a friend.

Now, I want people that has kids so when we hang out, we understand that kids needs naps, kids can play together, going to kid friendly places, kids throw tantrum, travelling with kids, etc.

I want friends that can teach me things. I want friends who are motivated in life and want to learn new things. I want friends that can teach me how to win in life – stocks, investments, vacation homes, podcast, etc.

What is your criteria for friends? Am I a stuck up for looking for “value” in a friend?

If I’m changing in what I want in a friend – does this mean I need to switch boyfriends every now and then? (I’ll save this topic for another blog)

“Yes”

I forgot at what age I started to question my upbringings. Of course, I understand to respect your elders and be kind and listen and the list goes on since i’m the youngest asian female.

But, why did I have to put up with uncle/aunts patting my hair or telling me to do things that I did not want to do. It was regarded as “rude” if I did not say “yes”. “No” was considered rude and disrespectful. For example, I had to play the piano when they want to me play. Or I had to take out the trash and help set up the table.

There’s no talking back because they are always right. They know what’s “best for me”. They know “what I need” and to “save me from my mistakes”. And since talking back/voicing my opinion was not allowed (“rude”), I just smile and nod and pretend that they know what they are talking about but in my head, i’ll just cuss them out and tell them how wrong they are.

Is this a characteristic of an asian parents/uncle/aunt or its not a race specific issue? I wonder if I will be the same way? How were you raised? How are you going to raise your kids?

As I am a parent now, I try to read on what is “normal” or the best way to “let your kids understand without limiting their personality”.

Does everyone need a hobby?

Between going to work and taking care of kids (cleaning the house, keeping the refrigerator stocked, laundry, etc) I feel like I do not have time to do anything I enjoy doing (reading a novel, puzzles, etc).

Mr. BMP has been in tennis club before kids and he kept at it. The adjustment he had was that he practice tennis during his lunch time so it doesn’t conflict with family time. However, his matches are still in the evenings and on weekends. He doesn’t go to all of them but he goes to a lot of them. During that time, I would have to single parent three children.

Question is:

Does everyone need a hobby to keep their life balanced? “Me-Time”
Is a hobby more important than family itself?
How much time can be dedicated to one’s hobby?

What is your hobby?

I can probably argue both sides of the coin. If you cannot be satisfy with life, then how can you give your family 100% of you? But then, if you are immersed into your hobby, then you are just sacrificing time for your hobby and less time for your family… thoughts?

Waiting Place

Have you read the book “Oh! The places you’ll go” by Dr. Seuss? There’s an excerpt where he referred to as “the waiting place”

Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come,
or a plane to go or the mail to come,
or the rain to go or the phone to ring,
or the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or No
or waiting for their hair to grow.

Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night

or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.

Everyone is just waiting

How do you guys interpret this? Is this an emotional state where we are all feel lost and do not know what to do and therefore “waiting for something to happen?” Everyone is always waiting for something.

My daughter is waiting for her 4th birthday party – My friend is waiting to see how her father-in-law is doing with COVID in the hospital – My co-worker is waiting for her quarantine period to be over so she can walk out of her house again – My brother is waiting for his dream job – My sister-in-law is waiting to see if she is pregnant – Waiting for a meeting to start — waiting for the meeting to end – I’m waiting for an email from a company to see if they want me on their team.

Should we stop waiting and seize the moment/opportunity?

How do you interpret this and what are you waiting for … or are you waiting?

“You are always one decision away from a totally different life”

I read that quote and let it sink in. I thought about it and my mind has been blown. I guess this is the “what if” game, huh?

How my life would have been if I married my ex? Didn’t choose this state? Didn’t accept this job offer? Didn’t take this or that opportunity? etc… you get the point.

And here I am again at a decision point in my life that will take me on another path. Should I stay with my current job or take a new job?

I will not bore you with my pros and cons list but bottom line is the current job is stable but I have to work with a psychological manipulator that frustrates me to no end and the new job is a big black box (Will I like the people? Will I like what I will be doing? Will I be good at what I am going to be doing? Will I ever get laid off?)

What decision(s) have you made where you know was the best decision or the worst decision? I guess what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger so whatever bad decisions that was made was a lesson learned and only helped me grow stronger.

Husband vs Parents

Mr. BMP (Bounce-my-pecs aka-my husband) https://awkwardasianfemale.wordpress.com/2021/12/27/chapter-1-through-my-lens-through-his-lens/

My parents is living with my family (BMP, 3 children, and I). They were here when I gave birth and they were an extra hand. Do not get me wrong, I love having my parents around. They cook and clean!!!! But on the other end of the see-saw, they are my parents so there’s “uncomfortable-ness” (I’ll get into that more later). Also, as an Asian daughter, (self imposed) I feel like I have the responsibility to take care of my parents (https://awkwardasianfemale.wordpress.com/2021/12/28/my-parents-are-getting-older/). As noted in the previous post, they are getting older and they sacrificed for me, so it’s my time to take care of them.

BMP said he is uncomfortable with them all the time and it’s making him a upset because he feels as though the house is not his anymore. Even a simple as walking around the house, taking a phone call, playing with kids, etc – there’s always company around. Also, my parents and I speak Cantonese to each other because my parent’s English is not good and also, its easier for them to speak Cantonese. BMP doesn’t know Cantonese so he feels even more left out.

I think this is the biggest issue with BMP and I. I do not want him to be unhappy but leaving my parents is not even on the table of discussion. My parents will go visit my sister and brother so they split their year with them also; however, with the pandemic, it is not possible.

Do you live with your in-laws/parents?

Any tips/advice on how to overcome this issue?

Is Life Work?

I was talking to Mr. BMP (see first post for reference) and we usually meet once a week to do things around the house since you cannot clean/renovate/think on the weekends with three little ones running around. So, we agreed on once a week during lunch time, we will get together and do these things.

I understand we both have commitment to our “real” jobs/career so it might be common to not start on time or might need to cancel. However, Mr. BMP would put us as “lesser” priority, per se, and take care of his own business and if he shows up an hour late, he shows up an hour late. His thought is that “as long as we get it done, does it matter when we do it?” And my response was “NO! You do not show up 1 hour late to a meeting with your boss. You have to give your boss a heads up. I have other commitments also. If you just show up an hour late at work, you will probably be talked to.”

This got me thinking. Is Life Work? Is my relationship with Mr. BMP, family, and friends work? We need to speak politely, be punctual, keep them front and center of life, manners, etc? When do we “relax”? When can we drop everything and take off our masks and be ourselves?

If I was to be rated in life – I wonder what my rating is. What is your rating?

How would your boss rate you?

How would your parents rate you?

How would your SO rate you?

How would your kids rate you?

How would your friends rate you?

How would your family (siblings, in laws, etc) rate you?

How would you rate your own self (self-care)?

If I have to rate myself I think this is my order (from doing well to not doing so hot): Work, kids, SO, friends, parents, family, self — reality hits…I need to reorganize my priorities.